Dizzy’s Cover Letter for His Application to Harvard

Dear Harvard,

Hello!

I hope this cover letter finds you well.

This is probably a long shot, but may I attend your school? As a student?

Full disclosure: I am not a “legacy,” as a guy named Pete just explained to me. I don’t have great grades, and I only speak English. Math confuses me. I’m not good at sports, and I used ChatGPT to write (most of) this. BUT my main extracurricular activity is selling photos of my ass on OnlyFans, so I have a LOT of money. I would like to use this money to expand my mind, and I will pay you more than the typical student because I can afford it. (Wink.)

This means a lot to me, and I promise to study and be a good student.

Looking forward to hearing from you, and I’ll keep my fingers crossed in the meantime! 🤞

Sincerely,